balance

Balance in life is something that I'm sure everyone struggles with. I'm really struggling right now with the balance of my own life. The guilt factor that comes with being a mother isn't something anyone could have explained to me. It came as an added "bonus".

Balancing a full time job and a baby is something I knew I'd have to do. And I also knew there are tons of people who do. I guess I never thought I'D struggle with it as much as I have. Not the guilt from being away, because I believe every mother (and baby) needs time away, even if it's at work. I also believe strongly in the wonderful activities and interaction that Paisley gets while at daycare. Basically, I know I'm doing the right thing by my choice to work and use daycare. But it's making that work smoothly that I struggle with. It's getting to work on time. It's the logistics of the 4 bags I have to walk out the door with everyday. It's the evenings when mommy, daddy, baby are all exhausted.

I have to learn to balance my household as well. Having an anxiety attack because the laundry isn't done is not going to help. Sometimes I realized that when I read posts like this. How in the background (not foreground!) there are struggles and discomforts, worries and fears; but over all of that, there are cuddles and cooing, enamoring over every move, kissing and playing, and most of all- looking around and knowing that
this is what I've always wanted.

We are slowly introducing formula this week.

 ::rips hair out::

Trying to piece together a myriad of possible allergy symptoms sends my brain into a tailspin. I'd like to say there's no guilt associated with weaning my girl. But I'd be lying. Why? Because she is a nurser! She loves it and she has it in her plan to do it until she's 5 :). In the end, I'm going to do what's best for both of us and I know I will look back and think it's no big deal. But I'm not there right now. This is my freak out time, I guess.

Each week in motherhood is a new hurdle. And I'm hanging on for the ride.

(thank god for my more than wonderful husband who surprised me after a hard day with a hearty Pioneer Woman meal, the latest issue of People magazine, and making and eating fresh homemade donuts after putting our girl to bed. this man has got me figured out! also, for my amazing mom who chants to me over and over "you ARE a good mother, you ARE a good mother!")