Sunday, November 7, 2010

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Lets start out with the bad. It's my attitude at 3am when the only thing I can do to console my crying babe is give her the boob. Just like we did 30 mins ago. Dammit. So I nurse her and cry. Because I'm tired. Because I want to know why she can't be consoled by anything else. Because my boobs are sore. Because as I'm feeding her, Andrew is fading away into a deep sleep and I'm going to be awake for the next hour. The ugly is my attitude towards my hubby when he tells me "babe, I love you and this is what we signed up for". Thanks. I had no idea. Again, he is my calm at a time of exhaustion and wanting to give up. He is it, the one who digs me out each time I feel buried. He's the good. *Que tears from hormonal nursing mom*

Shhh baby...
A late night with daddy techniques being utilized. Yes, I'm aware it looks like he's choking her out, but believe me, don't mess with the daddy magic. Works every time.

What mommy got after a rough night. I could marry him again.

Speaking of tears, I think we should document the binky story. I know, I know- a story all about giving your kid a binky?! I was absolutley torn with the idea of the bink. Everything that we had learned through our pregnancy told us that we should hold out on the binky just a couple of weeks until we have established nursing and latching, just so that we would not reverse our efforts. But from the first night in the hospital, our girl would just suck, suck, suck, even in her sleep. She would make this little noise and latch on to whatever came near. She seemed restless and I oh so badly wanted to pop a bink right in those tiny perfect lips. But I knew I should wait. After a few days home from the hospital, I was still convinced that she would be consoled by a bink. My parents didn't think it would hurt and knew I was torn (and obsessing) over it and said 'just try it and you'll find out if she does or doesnt want it'. But Andrew and I were still unsure and I wanted to be sure we were in agreement about giving it to her. But then, in a moment of not being able to console her, I simply grabbed it and popped it in. Oh my god. What have I done? Have I just given up? Did I just do what's best for me, or my daughter? Then, the tears came. Oh man. You never would have thought a pacifier would have been such a big deal. But it was to me. I know, crazy first-time-mom syndrome. It is what it is.
I'll have you know I haven't had anymore boughts like this since. We're all good.

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